Primarily, the most useful frames for me to consider multiple identities is either the utility of a toolbox, or the luxury of multiple homes. Just yesterday, someone expressed surprise at how I responded to their different interests and identities with intimate detail -- I have a large "toolbox" from which I could pull specific "tools" (knowledge to convey shared interest or experience). Sometimes I feel a longing for aspects of an identity, like the blurring of traditional binaries/categories in my queer self, or a stronger sense of family ties I associate with my Chinese roots. They each feel like a home. Just like physical homes, no one place serves every need across time -- sometimes I want to be in Brooklyn with access to lots of culture, while other times, I want to be somewhere Upstate with nature. Mostly, this "chameleon" ability feels like a gift, evidenced by the two mental frames that are both positive. The flip side (since everything has trade offs) is a certain loneliness in feeling like I'm the only one who can tie these disparate pieces together... that it's hard for anyone else to know either the specific identities, or what it's like to hold them all at once.
Primarily, the most useful frames for me to consider multiple identities is either the utility of a toolbox, or the luxury of multiple homes. Just yesterday, someone expressed surprise at how I responded to their different interests and identities with intimate detail -- I have a large "toolbox" from which I could pull specific "tools" (knowledge to convey shared interest or experience). Sometimes I feel a longing for aspects of an identity, like the blurring of traditional binaries/categories in my queer self, or a stronger sense of family ties I associate with my Chinese roots. They each feel like a home. Just like physical homes, no one place serves every need across time -- sometimes I want to be in Brooklyn with access to lots of culture, while other times, I want to be somewhere Upstate with nature. Mostly, this "chameleon" ability feels like a gift, evidenced by the two mental frames that are both positive. The flip side (since everything has trade offs) is a certain loneliness in feeling like I'm the only one who can tie these disparate pieces together... that it's hard for anyone else to know either the specific identities, or what it's like to hold them all at once.
I really like the analogy to homes – it's a great way to put it!
The loneliness vs gift dichotomy resonates a lot. Here's to making the most of both sides of the coin!